The Life That is Waiting For Me.

This is a vent post. I don't do these. I feel needy and dramatic. This isn't a drama vent. This is an everything-is-changing-to-and-around-me vent. I don't do either of those options. 

I'm overwhelmed by my life right now. Most people my age are overwhelmed by what major to choose, and subsequently, what to do with the rest of their lives. I have that figured out. I've literally known since I was 7-years old that I am going to be an elementary school teacher. There is nothing exaggerated about that fact. I didn't necessarily dream about going to Utah State--I never had the college I would attend--but it absolutely makes sense that I picked the University with the best College of Education (Sidenote: that will always sound redundant to me. College implies education...) in Utah, and one of the top in the nation. I've always imagined graduating high school, and then immediately graduating college; I would achieve my biggest dream in life by the time I was 23 years old. Everything has worked out for me to do that: I was accepted to USU, accepted to their Elementary Education (ELED) and Special Education (SPED) programs all on my first try.
I'm still going to accomplish this lifelong goal/dream. Just not by the time I'm 23. At this point in my life, I've realized that I need to do something else. And that something else is serving a mission.
(If you're reading my blog, you probably already knew that. If you didn't, I'm truly sorry you didn't get to hear it from my mouth. I don't love you any less. I've probably just seen you less...? Or that's just my excuse.)

Nothing has ever scared me more in my entire life.

This idea terrifies me.

Melissa is serving her mission in Washington DC right now. She was such a big part of my life in Sandy, but over the past two and a half months since she's been gone, I've filled that part of my life with other people. Now, Haley is moving back to Logan tomorrow, and the rest of my USU friends throughout this weekend. Kaitlin is moving down to Provo. School starts for everyone else, including my brothers and the kids I've been babysitting, on Monday. Luckily, I have Ricky and Daren and a few other friends (and of course, family) that will still be in Sandy for me to see. However, they will all be busy with plenty of other things. Like, school and work. Neither of which I will be doing for the next few months. I'm really going to have to focus on me. More like, tuning myself to what my Heavenly Father has planned for me. I actually have to work on mission papers. I actually have to make doctor and dentist appointments. I actually have to take a true leave of absence from Utah State and postpone being a student. I actually have to act on my faith.
Faith is something that I've learned a lot about this summer. I'm working on actively using it in my life; working on harnessing the power it can bring. And it's hard.

So, right now, I'm in a slight state of shock. I'm moving Haley up to Logan tomorrow. Not myself. Haley. I'm absolutely anticipating it being an emotional day for me. ("Mallory? Emotional?!" Yeah. I know. It's weird for me too.) Then, I have to come home and live in a new house. I do still have the rest of my family, but we all know that Haley is a big part of that family. This is a new experience for me.
But, I also know that I'm making the right decision. I know that this is a good and right time for me to take a break from school. I know that my testimony is going to grow immensely in preparing to serve this mission, because it has been tested and strengthened so much just in making the decision to go. I know that I am so blessed that I have all of these friends to miss, and a goal that isn't being crushed, but just postponed. I have always been taught to be grateful for what I have, and I absolutely have a testimony that doing so will enrich my life and bring me true happiness.
I just have to be honest though, and let you know that this--deviating from my plan--is hard.